Doctor: Did you feel any pressure today?
Me: Nope… A lot is being released from my mouth but nothing appears to come out from the bottom.
Doctor: Include fibres in your diet like flax seeds, chia seeds, chick peas, legumes, strawberries, oranges and potatoes with skins……. avoid oily and spicy foods,drink plenty of water and take the medicines I have prescribed. By the way do you complain of constipation?
Me: (burp)When ever pressure builds I sit on the commode… but after each movement, ( burp)I feel unsatisfied.(burp)
Doctor: In your case, what time of the day does pressure usually build up?
Me: Towards the evening…
Doctor:It never happens in the morning?
Doctor: Have you tried with morning newspaper after having sipped one or two cups of coffee…??
Doctor: Try that till it happens and do what I have told you earlier…
Disconnects the phone
Doctor: Yes, tell me how are you feeling.
Me: (burp)Besides medicines I tried fibres, water and coffee (burp)in the morning time …It has helped but little(burp)
Doctor: Does your meal comprise of too much colas and junk…
Me: Yes and no(burp)
Doctor: I didn’t get you… come again.
Me: I work at an MNC and have to work for 10-12 hours at a stretch.(burp)Ido grab a burger and a cola (burp)or two to satisfy my small hunger pangs(burp)(burp)
Doctor: Carry with you some nuts and fruits for these little food cravings…
The phone rings
Doctor: Did you feel any movement.
Me: I’m in stuck in the loo (burp)for the last 25 minutes..
Doctor: See if you can lay your hand on some lukewarm water…
Me: I’m doing just that(burp)but it hurts!
Doctor: keep trying… if it doesn’t work we will try herbal laxatives like senna or castor oil or maybe an enema Buy senna leaves and boil them in water until they become half. Strain and drink warm. You could even drink two tablespoons castor oil.
Me: But what about right now?(burp) It’s not coming out….wait( burp)I’ll call you in a while…
The doctor calls in the next day.
Doctor: How are you feeling now?
Me: Much better. I emptied twice today and the motion was smooth and effortless.
Doctor: What did you have for meals?
Me: Chopped nuts and flax seeds with scatterings of braised lamb here and there, orange juice with a dash of tequila and lime and chia seeds over chocolate pudding!