Gags n giggles!

If black ants and red ones are put in the same jar, they don’t harm one another until the jar is shaken. After this, they go around killing one another.

The black ants think that red is the enemy and the red ones think that the black ants are antagonists.

Even in real life situations, we blame one another but the real culprit is the one that shook the jar that is the “netas.”

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langar wangar!!🤣🤣🤣

संता: हमारे यहाँ सब बराबर हैं

बंता: वो कैसे

संता: क्योंकि हम फ़र्क़ नहीं करते. हमारे यहाँ हम, हमारे नौकर चाकर और पालतू कुत्ते, बिल्ली एक ही थाली में खाते हैं

hickory dickory dock

the virus ran up the (respiratory) tract

virus what??

I don’t give a fuck

hickory dickory dock

another version-

hickory dickory dock

the virus ran up the tract

align your masks

till virus gets knocked out

hickory dickory dock

Humpty Dumpty-Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty dumpty had a great fall

All the nurses and all the sawbones

Could not put Humpty together again

Incy wincy spider-Incy Wincy virus crawled up through my nostrils

In the middle of the night I gave out a loud sneeze

Its needless describing what followed next

My lousy situation all can guess!

Rain rain go away-Virus virus go away

Come again another day

Little Johnny wants to play

O virus go to Syracuse

Don’t be such a lout!

किसकी दाल कितनी गली??

बिरयानी मेरा सबसे पसंदीदा व्यंजन रहा है और चिकन बिरयानी की तो बात ही मत पूछिए। अपनी पसंदीदा बिरयानी के साथ रायता मिल जाए तो ज़ायक़े का लुत्फ़ जाए! मैंने ज़्यादा पकवान तो नहीं बनाए पर मेरे हाथ की बिरयानी अच्छेअच्छे होटलों को टक्कर दे जाती है। पर कोविड के जमाने में बिरयानी की पूछ घट गई है और दाल की पूछ बढ़ गई है। ऐसा इसलिए है कि कोविड होने पर शरीर में प्रोटीन की कमी हो जाती है जिसको पूरा करने केलिए दाल का सेवन अनिवार्य है। इस समय मसालेदार भोजन का सेवन जैसे बिरयानी उचित नहीं मानी जाती। ऐसे में कुछ प्रश्नों मुझे झकझोर कर रख दिया है। पहला– ‘घर की मुर्गी दाल बराबरकहावत बेमानी साबित हो रही है और इसे यह कहकर कोई और नाम दिया जाए जैसेघर की मुर्गी बिरयानी बराबर’ तो कैसा रहे? दूसराअमा बिरयानी के तो हम उस्ताद ठहरे पर ये नहीं जान पाए कि अपनी दाल गलाई कैसे जाए?

वैसे आपकी दाल गली कि नहीं??

Stay safe n all the best!

The Pesky Neighbor

One spring morning, Nina Padmanabhan was joined by Senthil and Renuka Pillai in her neighbourhood. When Nina first met Mrs Pillai, the latter began her first sentence with the words ‘We are a peace-loving family… ‘ However as days went by, her true colours were revealed. Chaos was Mrs Pillai’s middle name. She had a problem for every solution.

‘The leaves of your gulmohar trees are always falling and defiling the beauty of my garden; chop the portion which crosses the fence or I shall chop off the entire tree,’ Mrs pillai complained to Nina’s domestic help.

The neighbours shared a common fence.

The very next day, Nina’s children complained of smelly rotten eggs! When Nina looked out of the window, she could witness garbage dumped in her garden from across the fence! Nina’s domestic help returned the favour by dumping waste in Mrs Pillai’s garden the next day only to find Nina’s gulmohar tree partly chopped off !

For some days peace prevailed but did not last very long.The Pillas purchased their first car and whenever Mrs Pillai had to run errands for the house or go out she would go honking the horn and disturbing everyone in the neighbourhood! So deafening was the shrill noise of the horn that Nina’s house was rid of rodents after

Mrs Pillai came in her neighbourhood. Thanks to her.

Mrs Pillai had been so fault-finding that all her domestic help refused to work with her. In a matter of four months she had changed 7 domestic help and the last one had also given up on her.

Nina’s son learnt guitar from his tutor in the afternoon However Mrs Pillai tried to put a stop to it by labelling it as ‘noise in a peace-loving neighbourhood’ and adding that it disturbed her afternoon sleep.

One summer afternoon, Mrs Pillai was watering plants in her garden when a vegetable vendor happened to pass by. She instantly picked up a fight with the vendor over the prices of vegetables. In Mrs Pillai’s habitual style, the fight went on for hours and Mrs Pillai who had forgotten to turn off the tap attached to the hoze for watering the garden had a swimming pool ready to relieve the Pillai’s of the sweltering heat brought forth by the scorching summers!!

Jumanji Re-enacted!

The year 2021 is proving to be worse than 2020. Mankind is in throes of a pandemic and nothing appears to be going right!

The year culminated in rampage by protesting farmers against the farm laws passed by the incumbent government. Then from February onwards, we witnessed an upsurge in Covid cases! Although my parents living in Mumbai could not escape the virus onslaught and are recuperating at the hospital (fingers crossed) our repertoire has been replete with several mini heart attacks which I would like to recount!

Last year we dealt with a nerve-racking colony of ants who irked us no end with their omnipotence and omnipresence!

With the onset of winters last year we were perturbed by the arrival of an unwanted guest-a rat! Although there was just one- dealing with it gave the sensation of ones head spinning in a blender at optimal speed! All attempts at trapping the troublesome creature went in vain. It’s favourite hangout spot was my daughter’s room which disastrously happens to be our favourite hangout spot! To make things worse the once cute looking mouse had metamophosed into a grotesque looking rat with multiple lesions across its face! Perhaps, it was a result of an electric shock, or an injury or some disease, only God knows!

It had the knack of hiding into tiniest of holes and crevices when being hunted down! After a few days a few others, though relatively small joined in. Sometimes they were witnessed climbing atop curtains, at other times on shelves and still other in cupboards. The irksome rat even chewed away my phone’s USB cable!

No sooner had the rat menace subsided when we were appalled at the advent of monkeys who stormed in looking for bananas! They were shooed away, at least for the time being! We were simultaneously dealing with mosquitoes who despite all the insect sprays sprang up here and there like reincarnated demons!

Recently, I also got stung by a bee and had a painful swelling for a couple of days!

Besides, recently there was news that a mammoth sized asteroid is about to stride past our planet which if it struck the earth, could do damage similar to the deadliest nuclear bomb present! Are these ominous signs hinting at an Apocalypse? Maybe maybe not, but I’m having my fingers crossed!

On a lighter note, the silver lining to the story is that today morning the vexatious rat got stuck in the toilet and was flushed away!!

Moral: No matter how hard the road, we must flush away all negativity and be thankful to the Almighty for keeping us alive and safe! Wait! I can witness a swarm of bees heading towards my room! Enjoy the story till I fix things right!!!

Just Chill!

Doctor: Did you feel any pressure today?

Me: Nope… A lot is being released from my mouth but nothing appears to come out from the bottom.

Doctor: Include fibres in your diet like flax seeds, chia seeds, chick peas, legumes, strawberries, oranges and potatoes with skins……. avoid oily and spicy foods,drink plenty of water and take the medicines I have prescribed. By the way do you complain of constipation?

Me: (burp)When ever pressure builds I sit on the commode… but after each movement, ( burp)I feel unsatisfied.(burp)

Doctor: In your case, what time of the day does pressure usually build up?

Me: Towards the evening…

Doctor:It never happens in the morning?

Me: (burp)Hmm…hardly(burp)

Doctor: Have you tried with morning newspaper after having sipped one or two cups of coffee…??

Me: Nope

Doctor: Try that till it happens and do what I have told you earlier…

Disconnects the phone

Next evening…

Me: Hello

Doctor: Yes, tell me how are you feeling.

Me: (burp)Besides medicines I tried fibres, water and coffee (burp)in the morning time …It has helped but little(burp)

Doctor: Does your meal comprise of too much colas and junk…

Me: Yes and no(burp)

Doctor: I didn’t get you… come again.

Me: I work at an MNC and have to work for 10-12 hours at a stretch.(burp)Ido grab a burger and a cola (burp)or two to satisfy my small hunger pangs(burp)(burp)

Doctor: Carry with you some nuts and fruits for these little food cravings…

Me: sure

Next morning:-

The phone rings

Me:Hello doctor!

Doctor: Did you feel any movement.

Me: I’m in stuck in the loo (burp)for the last 25 minutes..

Doctor: See if you can lay your hand on some lukewarm water…

Me: I’m doing just that(burp)but it hurts!

Doctor: keep trying… if it doesn’t work we will try herbal laxatives like senna or castor oil or maybe an enema Buy senna leaves and boil them in water until they become half. Strain and drink warm. You could even drink two tablespoons castor oil.

Me: But what about right now?(burp) It’s not coming out….wait( burp)I’ll call you in a while…

The doctor calls in the next day.

Doctor: How are you feeling now?

Me: Much better. I emptied twice today and the motion was smooth and effortless.

Doctor: What did you have for meals?

Me: Chopped nuts and flax seeds with scatterings of braised lamb here and there, orange juice with a dash of tequila and lime and chia seeds over chocolate pudding!

Doctor burps!!